I became a shaman because I was stricken with an illness which was crippling me because I was in a lot of pain because I was going blind because I desperately wanted to be rid of that pain, to restore my sight fully, to get my body back and because after unsuccessfully trying everything else that both mainstream and fringe medicine had to offer that was the only road left open to me.
The reason for my reluctance was that early in my life I had, depending on how one defines such things, what one might call a spiritual experience. It left me utterly convinced that I never ever ever wanted to have another one. I consequently and with astonishing ease, buried that memory and along with it the urge to actively work with religion, spirits or spirituality, magick, whatever. I was of the opinion that such things were better left alone and that nothing could convince me otherwise. So things seemed.
It wasn't long, five years maybe, from the appearance of the first episode of my afflictions to my losing everything: my job, posessions, flat etc.. Everything that my self image was based upon was torn from me, leaving me feeling empty, worthless and depressed. I ended up squatting in a condemned building together with some punks, freaks, artists and political revolutionary types. We all had one main thing in common. We didn't, some wouldn't and some couldn't, fit into the system.
In that dim, cold and crumbling house I had my darkest time, my lowest ebb. Despite the efforts of mainstream medicine and the social safety system I was going down. I had a very expensive private insurance policy that was completely useless to me. Dissapointed and disillusioned, I was a helpless observer of my own demise. It is at that point, weak and tired as I was, that I got my second wind.
Late one night as I lay in the crimson darkness of my agony listening to myself groan, half awake because the pain would not let me sleep and half asleep because the exhaustion would not let me wake, finally the suffering managed to penetrate the dense and luxurient foliage of my stupidity. In my head a sentance formed: "Who dares wins" the motto of the Special Air Services. Accompanying that sentence was the knowledge that I needed to connect to the spirit for strength and guidance. From the moment that sentence hit the silver screen and that understanding filled my heart, I felt enthusiasm and hope. A door had opened for me.
At the next appropriate occasion I spoke to the moon and a few days later I chanced to hear the end of a radio program where a man named Ailo Gaup was being interviewed. I called NRK and asked for his phone number which I was given. I called Ailo and we agreed to meet. The appointed time found Ailo and myself in a flat in Grønland. He initiated a healing process using crystals. The eye problem took a dramatic turn for the better a few days after the healing.
He taught me the Shaman Journey that same night. I went to the underworld and met my power animal and later to the overworld where I met my spiritual teacher and recieved my name. Since then I have practiced and slowly but surely have risen out of the hole. However according to my reckoning it was that first meeting when Ailo implanted that spark, when I began to consciously practice shamanism, to consciously walk the path that I became a shaman and the table began to turn.
Villbjørn Ulvberg
for sharing this personal story with us!
So wonderful that you met someone , who could lead you further on your path
- after you had the words in your head...
I must say, you were brave to take that next step !
keep listening...
