...And lo it came to pass that the trader by the name of Abraham.com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot.com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she had been called Amazon Dot.com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why doth thou travel far, from town to town, with thy goods when thou can trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, Dear?"
And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And Dot said, "There will be a lot of banging in the land."
And Abraham replied, "It is my most fervent wish that this be so."
And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had, at the top price, without ever moving from his tent. But his success did arouse envy. And the young did take to Dot.com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Siderites, or NERDS for short. And lo the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums, that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land, and indeed did insist on making drums that would only work if you bought Brother Gates' drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known, "eBay," he said, "We need a name of a service that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"Whoopee!", said Abraham.
"No, YAHOO!", said Dot.com.
MORE "LOVE" VIRUSES
After two weeks of being tortured by the vicious "I Love You" virus, you'd think IT staffers would get a break. But noooooo.
Security experts and federal government authorities warn that offspring of the dangerous e-mail virus are now on the loose. As a public service, we present the following list of "I Love You" variations and how to recognize them:
**The "I Love You, But I'm Shy" virus never actually invades your computer but collects data about it worshipfully from afar.
**The "Unrequited Love" virus causes your computer to be so obsessed with a virus---a virus that it can never have---that it can no longer function.
**The "Love The One You're With" virus hangs around your computer, but the whole thing is just temporary until it can find the computer that it really wants to invade.
** The "Can't We Just Be Friends" virus makes your computer think it's interested in invading. Then, just when your computer is getting excited about the invasion, it breaks off the connection with your computer, dashing its hard drive against the rocks.
**The "One Night Stand" virus invades your computer, turns its hard drive upside down, then disappears after promising to come back sometime. But it leaves a twenty in your online bank account.
** The "Happily Married" virus invades only one computer and stays with it for life.
**The "Unhappily Married" virus spends a long time negotiating with a computer, finally invades it, and then strays to other computers from time to time.
** The "I Can't Commit" virus hangs around a computer for a long time and frequently sends messages that it intends to invade, but is really just interested in playing with your computer's data.
** The "It's Just A Physical Thing" virus invades your computer on a regular basis, but no meaningful data is ever exchanged.
**The "I Want A Divorce" virus sends repeated, hard-to-read messages that your computer is never turned on, then finally leaves. But it returns some time later and takes half of your computer's best data in an ugly network session.
** The "Little Virus Of The Evening" virus will do anything to your computer--if you're willing to pay the right price.
** The "Stalker" virus spends unnatural amounts of time monitoring your computer, collecting data your computer has thrown away and trying to record its most intimate functions.
** The "Forever Single" virus causes your computer to focus solely on other computers that are totally incompatible with it.
** The "Deadbeat Dad" virus invades your computer, spawns an entirely new database, then refuses to help update it as it grows.
** The "Married Too Long" virus splits your PC into two partitions that never interface-one that does too much online shopping and one that never does anything except monitor espn.com.
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